A new book; progress over perfection; husband appreciation
My husband Jarred recently remarked that babies need mums to carry them and mums need their husbands to carry them and I loved him for recognising that.
We do!
Just under four years ago, I started writing down things I was learning about self-care and embracing mum life as I walked a daily tightrope of attempting to balance my children’s needs with my own. I had just joined the “two under two” mums’ club, with a 17-month-old and a newborn preemie baby who was born at 31 weeks gestation.
For nine weeks I had my heart in two places, between my baby at home and my other baby at the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU) in hospital, 30-40 minutes’ drive away.
It was an impossibly hard season of life, but an incredible one as well for our family. We were filled with joy and appreciation for the safe delivery of my son and daily mercies. There were also moments of tension and struggle as Jarred and I dealt with constant fatigue and unrelenting demands on our time and energy.
COVID was in the air too, and, like everyone else, we were living life with masks and limits. There was so much added pressure, even in the littlest things. I was kind of desperate for life to feel normal and doable again. Instead, I was sleep-deprived, filled with adrenaline at times when I should have been asleep, and in pain as I recovered from my C-section.
Amidst all this, or perhaps because of all this, I knew that I deeply desired to be a calm presence for my babies. And I knew that in order to be able to be this I had to change the way I thought, rested, lived and parented.
I scribbled down ideas and ‘lightbulb moments’ in my notebooks in the weeks following my son’s birth. Eventually, it took the shape of a book, and I published the book under the title of Calm Elegance for the Mama at Home.
I was never fully happy with the title and the book, and the chronic perfectionist in me wavered over publishing it—but I did it, albeit hastily. Those with young children at home may understand; with limited free time it really is often a case of ‘do it or you never will’!
Months later though, with a diagnosis of long Covid-induced Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS/ME) and POTS and the associated bumps in the road … I considered all my ‘fails’ and thought, who am I to share this book about CALM and self-care ………. ! I was ashamed and hit UNPUBLISH.
But then …. I received a beautiful message from someone who read one of my other books. It lit a fire in my spirit and encouraged me to keep going with writing. I was reminded that in sharing my story I have the privilege of inviting someone else into the raw beauty, growth and possibilities within their own story.
I told Jarred about it and we brainstormed new titles for the book. Then, he took it a step further and spent a few hours taking photos for the cover and working on the cover with me in Canva, while our kids played and watched a lot of TV! I then powered through making light revisions in the book and finally published it under its new title Hot Coffee, Cool Head: ways to refill your cup as a stay-at-home mum. All in a day’s work! (With thanks to my honey. That’s him below, camera in hand).
As it’s not a new book or a full rewrite, I have retained the essence of the original book. I have not changed details to reflect the passage of time, or added additional chapters. However, I believe the new title better conveys the spirit of the book, and revisions have been made solely to improve clarity, flow, and the overall reading experience.
The Kindle version of Calm Elegance for the Mama at Home has also been restored on my Amazon bookshelf … I have decided that it’s all part of the journey: evolving, putting imperfect work out, not being ashamed of making mistakes.
I am happy to present to you the updated version: Hot Coffee, Cool Head.
If you are a stay-at-home mum or know one in your Village, I hope you’ll consider picking up a copy :-)
Thank you for being here! Have a blessed Easter.
Warmly,
Mel